the cone. take 2.

Yep. Simey is sporting the cone... yet again. As I was just typing, I got "coned". That is the phrase we like to use for Simon taking things (people, tables, walls, etc) out with the cone around his head. Apparently this morning when Tim woke up, he saw I was about to get seriously "coned". That is the risk you take when you share a pillow with your dog. I think at one point my head was inside his cone to snuggle.

So, what's wrong with little Simey now. Who knows. The vet doesn't know, so that is a great sign. Yesterday I went to show my mom his recent bruising that was all along his incision site (for which we were at the vet last week) when I noticed he had an ulceration in his skin. It looked like he had been punctured with a pen or pencil tip. All around the opening was raw and pussy, very infected looking. We went in right after I hung up and then left shortly after with very few answers. She said when she moved his skin she could look through the opening and into his body. They didn't want to stitch it because his skin is so thin in that area they were fearful it would tear. The poor little guy. He gets SO nervous each time he goes to the vet... it breaks my heart. I had to put the muzzle on him yesterday... due to his anxiety they get him muzzled up and then taken out back... its heartbreaking. They had him in the back room and the door was still open, as I was talking to the Dr. about some of the symptoms. I could see past her to little Simey standing on the table with his blue muzzle on, trembling like a leaf. He was a little rag-a-muffin with his unruly fur sticking out in every direction... he looked so adorable I wanted to giggle. But, the look in his eyes took away the thought of laughter. His eyes were intently fixed on me, pleading for me to come and take him back. I would've if I could. As the vet shut the door, I had to force myself to stop thinking about the "what ifs" and the inevitable. He is snuggled up close on my leg right now. His stinkiness is permeating the room, but it's cute. :) He is so overdue for a grooming appointment, but at this rate, it's never going to happen! As soon as his incisions heal from one surgery, he'd have another, or like now, have some strange hole in his body.

Tim and I watched a movie tonight called the "The Brave One" and there is a line in the movie where Jodi Foster says, "I want my dog back". (I won't give details cause I don't want to be a spoiler), but we both laugh and agreed that is something I would say. Then we continued to joke about me saying, "I want my yorki-poo back" and then Simon running out with a tee shirt on. haha. He's too cute.

I went to the mall today to get Maddy some things for tomorrow...well, I mean, in addition to what the Easter bunny would bring of course. When I got to the light before my on ramp for the highway I saw there was a man on the island in the middle of the road holding up a sign. "NEED WORK. NO FOOD". This sign made my stomach turn. Instinctively, my eyes started to water and I got really stressed out thinking about this man and how he must feel. How it must be such a degrading feel to write a sign like that and stand out for everyone to see. The desperation. Honestly, your sense of pride just ripped away. My reaction to this man and his sign comes as a little bit of a surprise to me. Usually I have this response to an animal that I think is homeless. Or any animal really because I see them and then immediately concoct some horrendous story in my head... but before I go into the neurotic psyche of my mind let me get back on track... I usually feel this sense of empathy for animals. But today, this man got to me and I was put right into that place that overwhelms me.

Sometimes I feel as if I am making an excuse when I don't get involved in causes or learn more about whats going on in the world because I internalize things so deeply. On occasions like today, I realize that it is not so much an excuse, but reality. I mentioned in an earlier post that I would love to be more involved in animal causes, but cannot because it affects me too much and I truly believe this is the truth. It is not laziness or apathy. But, its this feeling I get that is so hard to explain. I've never put it into words and I'm not sure I ever could. It is both physical and emotional. It's not that I feel as if I need to save the world and all people and animals from suffering, but the reality of their suffering is just too much for me. Especially in regards to animals (which makes me feel like a really awful person when I say). There was a quote that was posted all over Salem State and I had even put it up in my classroom a few years ago and it said something along the lines of, "Sympathy is no substitution for action." That is why I feel as if I am one big excuse. Its as if my mind immobilizes me. It is safer to try and avoid or ignore things that are going on than to deal with the anxiety and uncomfortableness of the truth. Again, this is another running theme in my life that I have just unveiled through a completely random situation. Haha. I believe Oprah calls these, "A-ha moments!" (right Gerard! I know you love her)

And to end, a shout out to my blogging groupie (and Simon's Godmother). Last night was a lot of fun... can't wait to mix up some more flirtinis soon!! Simon misses you!