yes. I am still alive.

I took another break from the good ol' blog. I have read blogs written by other friends and I began to worry that mine is too much like a diary. Then I realized that I am just not up for thinking about important topics to write about... and yes Gerard, Brad Pitt counts as important. So, sorry to say, if you choose to read this blog, you will be subjected to my ramblings. Someday, maybe I will bring an important topic to the forefront to make you sit back and think... although, maybe I did do that when I posted about the New Kids and how talented they truly are... I know I got one of you out there to think... ;) yea, GGT-N, I mean you.


The past few weeks have been hectic, yet boring. I'm not sure what takes up so much of my time since I no longer am in grad school, advise student government, work a second job... or do anything for that matter. I guess my free time is spent with my nose in a book. I have talked about this with a few fellow readers recently and they assure me this isn't a problem, but sometimes... I wonder. haha. Actually, at one point a few months ago one of my doctors called me out for using reading as an avoidance tactic.... sheeesh, what does she know. I don't think I see it as an avoidance method, though at sometimes sure, but I just get hooked on things... obsessed. Now, I know those of you who really know me are shaking your head and laughing at me sarcastically thinking, "gee, Lauren get obsessed with something!>" , but others of you have not been introduced to all my idiosyncrasies. And there are many. I thought about making a list of past "obsessions", but realized that might make people look at me a little more strangely than they already do. But, to put it simply, I tend to throw myself head first into things and then burn myself out and never want to do that particular activity, or whatever it may be, again. The all or nothing thinking I struggle with is not limited to thoughts... but also activities. haha. So, i believe this is the spot reading is filling in my life at this moment. It is like a competition with myself to see how fast I can finish a book. I should get a life!


Other stuff. Simon was having more health problems. A few weeks ago he was doing real poorly and my mother had to make an emergency visit to my apartment...as I sat on the floor hyperventilating, holding the dog. We had to have "the talk" about his health and that I had to be prepared for what may come. I thought I was going to have to put him down that night. Needless to say, it wasn't a pretty site. But, he is hanging in there... and is as cute as ever.


Tomorrow is our last day of school. Yipppeee. This is exciting, yet also a little nerve wracking. I have no summer employment, which isn't the best feeling. I was really stressed about this, but then I realized that most summers I have not worked but have taken classes... so this is actually better because i am not spending money on classes... I just feel EXTREMELY lazy. Luckily I have about 500 obsessions, i mean hobbies, that take up my time so boredom is never an issue. And I know i will still be stressed about time management and all the things "i have to do" even though there is literally nothing going on. The hardest part will be trying not to spend any money... this is good timing for my new bike riding obsession. haha. yes... bike riding, you don't even want to know the level of dorkdom that has hit Wakefield.

I'm sure you were all at the edge of your seats waiting for me to update. Hope my little recap has brought you all up to speed... Oh, and thank God it has cooled down!!!

Step one...we can have lots of fun

It is like a dream come true... NKOTB has reunited. It's old news now, but really, will it ever lose its excitement. I doubt it.

I just finished watching Chronicle during which they spent half an hour digging deeper into this reunion... it almost brought a tear to my eye. Such talent. The lyrics touch me on so many levels. Who knew a song could be written about a "popsicle". Funky, Funky Christmas is another favorite. Beautiful melody.

I never got to go to a New Kids concert, I felt as if I was the only person on the planet not allowed to go. I can vividly remember turning the volume all the way up on my purple clock radio and closing my eyes...telling myself that if I tried hard enough, I would feel like I was really at the concert. I was such a tool. A few years ago I found a letter I had written and "sent" to the New Kids. Apparently my mother didn't actually mail the letter out... and at the time I just thought they didn't want to take me up on my offer to come over for dinner. I don't remember what else I wrote, other than the dinner invitation, but I do remember it being ridiculously funny and covered in stickers (the scotty dog that you could "dress up" stands out... I put bow ties on them). I must find a way to their reunion concert... it's destiny. I won't be denied again. I wish I still had my pins...the ones that were so large they had stands on the back. I would line them up on my desk and Mrs. Steiss would tell me to put them in my desk. I remember trying to run with them on at recess, they were always in the way. "Please don't go girl" reminds me of Toby, my first dog. Toby was going through his puppy chewing stage and my father was yelling and threatening to get rid of the dog. I remember sitting on the basement stairs with Toby, listening to that song, crying hysterically. Yes, Toby was a boy, but "Please Don't Go Girl" seemed appropriate.

Speaking of dogs. Poor Simey, he can't catch a break... nor can my wallet. seriously. We were back in the vet today. Almost $300 later we left... yea... we spent over $250 a month or so ago... and then $500 a month ago as well... should I continue with the thousands in surgeries. I don't think I will or I might drain this bottle of wine that I have been nursing... being broke is really impeding my drinking capabilities. Anyway. Simon is sporting a yeast infection in both ears and some sort of intestinal problem... his "sample" is being sent out for tests, I'm sure whatever it is can be cured for a couple hundred dollars. The poor little guy though. (Oh, they are dancing to "Dancing on the Ceiling" on dancing with the stars, another great tune from my childhood...Lionel Ritchie was the first tape I ever bought... at Caldors. Is that how it is spelled> Maybe the Jets was first, not must have been Lionel...What a great song).

Sorry, got distracted by the 80's jam... So. Little Simey shook like a leaf the entire time he was at the vet. He was muzzled and I had to leave the room, as usual. It breaks my heart. Afterward we waited for awhile at the front desk while they racked up our charges (only to add it to my total bill that I am still paying off!) and I stared to really panic about the money we have had to put into him in the past few months. While I was sitting with these thoughts in my head, a woman came up to the counter. She had been waiting on the bench with her son and their cat. She was speaking softly, but I was able to hear... she was confirming another appointment that she had for tomorrow for her other cat, Lucy, that was being put to sleep. She said that the last time she was there, they had really urged her to put Lucy down that day, but she couldn't do it, but tomorrow was time. She was speaking quietly so her son couldn't hear her. I had to get myself to a "happy place" before I had a complete breakdown. I looked at Simon with his stub tail pinned to his body in fear and his trembling legs and realized, there was no other option than spending the money. Still, lurking in the back of my head was, "but for how long can this continue"... Its something I try not to think about, or won't let myself think about. How can I. To most people, he is just a dog. But to me, he is more than that (understatement of the year). Few people, even those closest to me know just how much he represents. Its like our own secret bond... Look up "codependent" in the dictionary and you will see this:

or this:

(Yes, that was his tongue licking me in the first one. haha.)

On the up side... 2 days until I leave for the annual girls weekend trip to Stone Harbor, N.J. I can't wait to sit on the beach and read... good friends, good drinks, lots of laughs. Just what the doctor ordered.

Oh boy. I just saw a commercial for a new show, "Wipeout". It looks like Americanized (is that a word) version of Most Extreme Elimination Challenge. If you've never seen MEEC, trust me... you HAVE to find it. It is worth the hassle of trying to find it...

I don't want to be in a nursing home!

One more year until the dreaded 3-0. I've been worried about that milestone for quite some time. I am aware that it is not that big of a deal and that it will come and go like any other day, but, I am still dreading it none-the-less. I will enjoy my last year in the 20's... but I am not moving into the next decade willingly. I am digging my heels in.

I guess it isn't so much the "30's" that freak me out... but my "all or nothing" mind set that seems to affect every aspect of my life. I don't see myself turning 30, I see myself as 85 years old in a nursing home. There is no inbetween. Last week I was visiting my grandmother in the nursing home and her roommate was telling me stories about "gym class" back when she was in high school. She talked like it was just yesterday... when she was young and full of energy. Now, she is still full of energy but unable to get out of her bed without being in a wheelchair. I bet when she was younger she had trouble picturing herself in this state. Time flashes by and they say that it goes faster the older you get. This sets me into panic mode and birthdays exacerbate this.

So, yes... I am moving along through the aging process. Enjoying the slowing of my metabolism and the fine lines I see beginning to form around my eyes and lips. Then there is the blatantly obvious crease inbetween my eyes that distracts me in the car when I catch a glimpse in the rearview mirror. Sometimes I catch a glance in the mirror and think that I like my "more mature face". There have been times when I actually thought to myself that I liked the way my "mature face" looked. The subtle lines starting to develop and the way in which my eyes squint when I am really smiling. There is something real about the lines, like evidence of life and experience. I think about how much I have changed and of all the things I have gone through... and sometimes I feel a sense of pride-acceptance- over the imperfections. Most of the time this is a fleeting thought that is quickly replaced with a counter negative thought usually focused on my eye lids and how I am convinced they will be sagging so much in the next few years that I won't be able to see. Yes, my mind tends to exaggerate.

all he needs is a margarita

I'm sorry, but this website gets me every time...

i hope simon realizes how lucky he is...

This is seriously one of my all time favorite websites... it makes me laugh out loud... really loud.

www.faildogs.com

Miami Vices

Well, it is safe to say that there were no fiery plane crashes last week and I am back here to give a little "post belated- honeymoon" update.

The trip was amazing. Aruba was more beautiful than I had anticipated...well the beaches were at least! Like most islands, there was poverty and poor living conditions... but the turquoise waters and cool breezes were a fantasy.

Our take off from Logan Airport may have been my worst "take off" to date. Panic definitely sets in whenever I fly, however this time I felt worse than usual. Once we hit the runway and I heard the engines fully kick in, I think I stopped breathing. I squeezed my hands together so tightly my fingers were purple...and yes, I hate to admit it, there were tears. How embarrassing.

Once on the ground in Aruba, things were much better. :) Our weekly activities included drinking Miami Vices (strawberry daiquiris and pina coladas mixed, YUM), reading, napping, and swimming... and drinking some more (hey, it was all inclusive!). Our goal was to relax and that was definitely accomplished. There was no real jet setting around Aruba or exploring the island, which was perfect for us. I achieved the darkest tan of my life as well, which is oh-so-exciting. If anyone is interested in pictures, let me know ;) Although I think the only people who read this have already received them... hmmm.

On Sunday when we got home from our trip, my father informed me that my grandmother was in the hospital and not doing well. That wasn't exactly the news I was expecting to come home to. Unfortunately, things aren't looking to good for her right now. We are just hoping for the best... I have a lot more to say on this subject but am going to wait until I can get all my thoughts together.

So, that is about all from here. It is really rough to leave the beautiful 85 degree weather and land up here where it has been cold and rainy. Each morning at 10 am I expect someone to come into my classroom with a mimosa. If only I could be that lucky.

Why yes, I'd love a daquiri for breakfast...

I'm not sure if you can make me out in this picture... but if you look really closely you'll be able to see me in my designated spot at the swim up bar... at least, that is where I anticipate spending most of my awake hours this upcoming week... of course alternating the bar seat for the "in pool" lounge chairs.

Tim and I leave for our trip in about 8 hours... Yep, 8. That puts us at 3:30 am. Lovely. Take off is at 5:45... But, I count our trip starting at 3:30... Let the games begin!!!

These international flights are confusing with their "rules". I packed up my little zip lock bag with all of my "items"... I wonder how they come upon these regulations. I understand a lot of them, and trust me, I am not the best flyer and happen to be one of the most anxious (paranoid) people you will meet, so I am all for them... but, some I just don't get. Like the fact things that are liquids or aerosols (among others) must be packed in a clear plastic bag... quart size. It's not that big. My sunscreen, medication, and inhalers were enough to squeeze in there. Why the quart size, seriously. The half gallon or gallon would have been much more accommodating.

I am eager to see how much we packed that we won't need. Also, what we didn't pack that we will need. I tend to be a heavy packer, ok, that might be an understatement. I am a heavy packer. When I go away for a night or two, you would think I was leaving for a week or more. This was a challenge, I haven't been on vacation like this in years. I wonder how we'll do... My father will be happy to know that I packed 3 dresses... and a skirt. I'm so girly. I have to admit though, as I was folding my favorite sweatpants that came out of the wash today, I thought to myself how much I was going to miss wearing them for a week. That is pretty sad. I wish I didn't just admit that here.

So folks. I think that about wraps it up here. Oh boy, I just had one of my typical pre-flying thoughts... the "this could be my last blog... what if the plane crashes...this is the last thing people will read from me...how tragic". This should go on for the rest of the night until approximately 10:40 tomorrow when we land in Aruba. Then will promptly resume next Saturday and last until the wheels hit Logan and come to a complete stop. I mean, complete stop. I don't trust landing until we are up and walking. I've got my "calm" playlist ready for the flight, very similar to the "I'm not afraid of planes crashing mix" that I made a few years before a flight. haha. I think I need to make a "I'm not afraid of wearing bathing suits" mix as well! I am going to self medicate myself with drinks to get myself into one... I find myself trying to calculate the angle my lounge chair will be able to go to before I start to get unsightly "shadows"... and by shadows, I mean rolls which cast shadows... It is going to be hard to read and drink margaritas if I am completely flat... but I don't think I am going to be able to angle myself much better! I figure I can drape something over my midsection when inclined... Yes, I have spent a lot of time thinking about this... Sadly, I am now posting it as well.

I hope everyone that is on vacation this week enjoys it! And for those of you not on vacation, I am sorry. You too should have gone into education! You did this to yourselves! :) If there are no plane crashes and my liver is not pickled, then I am sure I will be back next week with a post vacation update. Watch out Aruba...