road rage. don't you dare beed at ME!

I just got beeped at, honked at, whatever you would like to call it. The instant someone honks at me, I become livid. It is like, "how dare you honk your horn at me! I do nothing wrong in the car!" Ok, obviously that is not true... but being someone with little (or no) patience, I am not one to hold up a line of cars on purpose. Trust me. I see why road rage happens. I often find myself having to talk myself down or rationalizing why it isn't a good idea to try and ride someone's bumper because they deserve it. I should have a bumper sticker like this avatar, "Don't honk at crazy people"...

I realize that, while the jerky drivers surrounding us are enough to get the mildest tempered person agitated, the real issue here is my temper. I know this. I recognize it. And sometimes, I even try to work on it. Those are most of the steps right there, isn't it> I would not rank my temper as a characteristic I am proud of and most of the time, I think it is childish. Take for example last weekend when I was playing tennis with Tim... my anger outlash brought me to a new level of racquet destruction. Over the years of playing tennis I have been known to get alittle "frustrated" and in response, maybe smack my racquet on the ground. No biggie. Usually the cover guard on the top gets busted, but I can just cover it with some tape-stuff. The other day, however, my temper tantrum (really, that is what it was) came on quickly but with full intensity. There was barely an inbetween... After what was probably my 30th ball into the net, I felt that surge of anger. The one where I just don't even know how to get it out... before I know it, I smash the racquet on the court. I heard a noise I was not familiar with and I thought it sounded funny, but it wasn't until my next stroke that I realized, I had cracked the frame. Way to go Lauren...

That's usually what happens when you have a temper tantrum... you react without thinking and then regret the action.

I have gotten a little bit better over the years of controlling these temper outbursts. In fact, some of you may be thinking, "what temper>" I tend to come off as pretty laid back... which, part of me is, I guess... but it's more that the temper isn't a quality I like to let shine through.

While I am addressing some not-so positive attributes, there is one more thing I would like to mention. My knees. I need spanx for my knees, seriously. They look like an 85 year olds droopy elbows. They have quickly risen on my list of preoccupation. I'll be happily enjoying a tv show and then, there they are, the droopy, squishy, knee rolls. When I am out walking, they kind of, wiggle or jiggle. I know spend 70% of my walk dissecting them (the other 30% staring in Simon's eyes...yes, we tend to walk looking into each other's eyes... haha). Last night as I was trying to fall asleep, I couldn't stop thinking about these knee caps of mine and what on earth I could do about them. I think I need a procedure, a modified eye-lift type of deal. Or, I would have to really bulk out my quads, especially the vastus medialis (the inner quad muscle that connects down to the top\side of the knee cap... in other words, the exact location of my 85 year old elbow).

A few months ago, a good friend of mine (and probably my only avid blog reader, haha) commented on having a "fat knee" day. At first, I internally scoffed at this. First, due to the fact that this person is pretty much absent of any body fat what-so-ever, so I thought, how on earth could she have a 'fat knee day' (and yes, i realize that everyone can have days that they feel "fat" or uncomfortable regardless of their size ;) and secondly because i thought, "fat knee day>" what is that... Then I realized, Oh my gosh... this is a term for the loathing I feel of my own knees. I just never realized it could be termed. haha. Just for clarification, her comment did not contribute to my own preoccupation with my knees... it just made me feel like, "hey, other people feel bad about their knees too!" haha. Being a woman, you tend to hear a lot of other women complain about body parts, but usually its hips, legs, stomach, etc... But, knees, not so much. So, i guess hearing it was just... strange... but at the same time something I related to. One more thought, complaint, whine.... I didn't think knees were supposed to get droopy before 30. I feel like by the time I am over 40 I will need to have a little device that holds my knee cap skin up so that it doesn't impede my walking!!!

I hope some of you enjoyed the Love my Doll documentary. I do want to clarify that I was disturbed by the show, but I found it to be so funny, I couldn't get enough. My sister watched five minutes and then called to tell me that both Tim and I are strange and disturbed. I had to disagree. Maybe if I had thought, "Oh, finally, these people understand me!", then I'd be disturbed. haha. But, i had to recommend it for the laugh. It is beyond creepy... which makes me love it that much more. haha.

Anyway. So today's lessons:

1. If you are driving anywhere near me, do not beep at me because I will try to run you off the road! haha...

2. If you dare to play tennis with me, be ready for some really childish behavior, lots of swearing, lots of self-deprecating comments, and I guess entertainment because I look like a tool

3. Spanx needs to develop a special "knee cap" edition to keep those babies tucked and lifted

4. I still think the Doll documentary was the funniest thing ever... in all its horror