Other than the fact that our Christmas tree is up and my favorite seasonal Yankee Candle is filling the apartment with wonderful smells (balsam and cedar...mmm christmas tree in a jar)... the Christmas spirit is pretty much lost upon me this year.
I don't know why, but I'm just not feeling it. Not yet at least. What I am feeling though is vacation. This school year has been a challenging one. I listen to people's well intentioned advice, to not let certain classes and students get under my skin, but really, so much easier said than done.
I am tired of dreading my classes. I am tired of leaving school feeling like I could snap and burst into tears at any moment. They do get under my skin. Even if I am able to hide it from them (most of the time), they are really getting to me. I just can't shake off the disrespect. It's happened in the past, but not at the frequency it is this year. I almost exploded on Thursday... after I was sworn at by a second student in the same class. I was shaking I was so angry.... Screw them all. I say that, but I don't believe it. I should just let it all go, but I can't.
Basketball season is getting into full swing. It is always tough timing with the holidays... especially these first weeks since there have been a lot of double commitments with the varsity, etc. Hopefully time will start to even out. Some people are really good at being busy. I am definitely not one of those people. Somehow I managed during grad school... especially that one insane semester. But now, not so much. I constantly feel like I am wound too tight. I hate feeling this way... and I hate how it makes me act. I owe Tim a lot of really nice Christmas presents. The stressed out wrath of Lauren is never fun to be around... especially when the Christmas garland on the fireplace continues to fall down.
Tonight is my night off. I'm drinking wine and reading... while also obsessing over the lack of lesson plans I have ready for the week (stress management and mental health... I see great irony in this), the fact that I should have gone to holiday lights with my sister and family, that I have my coaching debut this week, and that there are a million of other things I should be doing.
3 comments:
6 more wakeups.
When one, two , or twenty students are getting under my skin, I try to step back and think of the 90 who love to learn and are fun to be around.
Toss the idiots out of class, and they can sit with the idiots that I tossed out two minutes earlier.
Happy Holidays!
Follow Anonymous' advice. Let the principal handle them.
And as for "Shoulds"-you were doing exactly what you should have been doing!
XO
K
I agree with you in that Tim does deserve a lot of great presents. He is the greatest.
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