holiday spirit.

Other than the fact that our Christmas tree is up and my favorite seasonal Yankee Candle is filling the apartment with wonderful smells (balsam and cedar...mmm christmas tree in a jar)... the Christmas spirit is pretty much lost upon me this year.

I don't know why, but I'm just not feeling it. Not yet at least. What I am feeling though is vacation. This school year has been a challenging one. I listen to people's well intentioned advice, to not let certain classes and students get under my skin, but really, so much easier said than done.

I am tired of dreading my classes. I am tired of leaving school feeling like I could snap and burst into tears at any moment. They do get under my skin. Even if I am able to hide it from them (most of the time), they are really getting to me. I just can't shake off the disrespect. It's happened in the past, but not at the frequency it is this year. I almost exploded on Thursday... after I was sworn at by a second student in the same class. I was shaking I was so angry.... Screw them all. I say that, but I don't believe it. I should just let it all go, but I can't.

Basketball season is getting into full swing. It is always tough timing with the holidays... especially these first weeks since there have been a lot of double commitments with the varsity, etc. Hopefully time will start to even out. Some people are really good at being busy. I am definitely not one of those people. Somehow I managed during grad school... especially that one insane semester. But now, not so much. I constantly feel like I am wound too tight. I hate feeling this way... and I hate how it makes me act. I owe Tim a lot of really nice Christmas presents. The stressed out wrath of Lauren is never fun to be around... especially when the Christmas garland on the fireplace continues to fall down.

Tonight is my night off. I'm drinking wine and reading... while also obsessing over the lack of lesson plans I have ready for the week (stress management and mental health... I see great irony in this), the fact that I should have gone to holiday lights with my sister and family, that I have my coaching debut this week, and that there are a million of other things I should be doing.

See You When You're 40

RULES:
1. Put Your iTunes/Windows Media Player/ETC on Shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS.
4. Put any comments in brackets after the song name.
5. Put this on your journal or blog or whatevs.

1) If someone says, "Is this okay?" you say: "Now"
2) How would you describe yourself? "Better Off" (haha, interesting...)
3) What do you like in a girl/guy? "Great DJ" (true, i do like good music!)
4) How do you feel today? "Baby Hold On"
5) What is your life's purpose? "Breathe" (how appropriate)
6) What is your motto? "Get Over Yourself" (hahahaha, that's funny...)
7) What do you friends think of you? "Your Raise Me Up" (really> do i> haha)
8) What do you think of your parents? "CLOWNS!" (HAAHAHAHA. I swear to god that came up next on my shuffle. oh, that is classic!!!)
9) What do you think about very often? "I Get Weak" (everyone should have Belinda Carlisle on their ipod!)
10) What is 2+2? "Without You" (that is a stupid ass question)
11) What do you think of your best friend? "bubbly" (that's cute :)
12) What do you think of the person you like? "Hope for the Hopeless" (haha, hmm.)
13) What is your life story? "Far Away" (oh lordy, this is entertaining... i could read deeply into some of these!)
14) What do you want to be when you grow up? "Waiting for my life to begin" (hmm, eerily similar to how i feel... this is freaking me out a little!)
15) What do you think of when you see the person you like? "Sara" (mmm, not so much true.)
16) What will you dance to at your wedding? "Baby I'm Amazed" (that is the Jem version, that would be pretty, too bad i've been there and done that!
17) What will they play at your funeral? "My Life" (Dido's version, thats interesting too!)
18) What is your hobby/interest? "You Learn" (another strange one! i love learning new things...)
19) What is your biggest fear? "If She Only Knew" (hmm)
20) What is your biggest secret: "Downpour"
21) What do you think of your friends? "Let Me Let Go" (no!)
22) What song would you play during your first kiss? "Falling in Love at a Coffee Shop" (that'd be a good one to play in a movie ;)
23) What will you post this as? "See You When You're 40"