One more year until the dreaded 3-0. I've been worried about that milestone for quite some time. I am aware that it is not that big of a deal and that it will come and go like any other day, but, I am still dreading it none-the-less. I will enjoy my last year in the 20's... but I am not moving into the next decade willingly. I am digging my heels in.
I guess it isn't so much the "30's" that freak me out... but my "all or nothing" mind set that seems to affect every aspect of my life. I don't see myself turning 30, I see myself as 85 years old in a nursing home. There is no inbetween. Last week I was visiting my grandmother in the nursing home and her roommate was telling me stories about "gym class" back when she was in high school. She talked like it was just yesterday... when she was young and full of energy. Now, she is still full of energy but unable to get out of her bed without being in a wheelchair. I bet when she was younger she had trouble picturing herself in this state. Time flashes by and they say that it goes faster the older you get. This sets me into panic mode and birthdays exacerbate this.
So, yes... I am moving along through the aging process. Enjoying the slowing of my metabolism and the fine lines I see beginning to form around my eyes and lips. Then there is the blatantly obvious crease inbetween my eyes that distracts me in the car when I catch a glimpse in the rearview mirror. Sometimes I catch a glance in the mirror and think that I like my "more mature face". There have been times when I actually thought to myself that I liked the way my "mature face" looked. The subtle lines starting to develop and the way in which my eyes squint when I am really smiling. There is something real about the lines, like evidence of life and experience. I think about how much I have changed and of all the things I have gone through... and sometimes I feel a sense of pride-acceptance- over the imperfections. Most of the time this is a fleeting thought that is quickly replaced with a counter negative thought usually focused on my eye lids and how I am convinced they will be sagging so much in the next few years that I won't be able to see. Yes, my mind tends to exaggerate.
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2 comments:
Hey, I am Gerard's sis and I found the link to your blog on his blog. I just turned 30 last month and, honestly, 29 was a lot harder! It's more about the anticipation and I hate to get all Oprah on you but I feel as though 30 has changed me in a lot of positive ways (although I'm still not ready for kids-ha!). As for the metabolism thing, I have more muscle now than I did 5 years ago. It's all about what you make of it and how you feel about yourself (again, sorry if this sounds like an Oprah show). You have a lot to look forward to!
hi there! thanks for responding to my post :) I happen to love Oprah, so you can never be "too Oprah" for me...
Im glad to hear 30 wasn't as bad. that is good to know!!
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