darn garland. and a party in my pants.

It really frustrates me that my decorative garland doesn't stay up on my mantle. I even put nails in it this year... who knew garland was so resistant.

Holiday decorating tends to stress me out, probably because my decorating sense is none existent. My house never looks like a page out of a pottery barn catalogue. I wish it would. I am so envious of people who are able to put things together like that. If and when tim and I ever get a house, I will definitely be hiring one of my friends to decorate for me. I feel so pathetic when I try to put out decorations and it looks like an A.C. Moore clearance rack. My drooping garland right now is like a blatant lit up reminder that I suck at interior decorating.

Along the lines of decorating, I changed the color background of this blog, which you have probably noticed. It needs some sort of makeover. The other colors were too summery... but once i started switching the colors around i got overwhelmed and left them as they are now, which is still pretty summery. I could spend hours picking out the colors and driving myself nuts... but I am choosing not to.

My favorite holiday of the year has come and gone. This year it seemed to go by extra quickly, maybe that is because two of my cousins are pregnant so they were not drinking. It was actually a pretty sober turkey day for the doherty family. Strange. Here are some of my highlights from thanksgiving:

1.) Seeing my mother completely stressed out and standing in the corner of the kitchen messaging her temples. My sister and I happened to notice it at the same time, which left us in tears of laughter.

2.) My mom yelling at anyone who walked through the kitchen to "please not come through the kitchen"

3.) My mom asking my dad to cut the turkey five times, then my dad yelling at my mom to tell him when to cut the turkey

4.) My mom rearranging the seating cards and sticking me in the worst seat possible

5.) Being seated in between my uncle and my dad... which leads me to the next highlight.

6.) The "Party Potatoes" which somehow led to my dad making a comment (while I was out of the room) that I had a "party in my pants" (line of the night).

7.) The "what i am grateful for" tradition... which had me in tears, mostly from laughter (or from thinking of my father using the words "party in her pants" in reference to me)

8.) Listening to my cousin's argue about pregnancy, shower dates, caffeine, paint fumes, etc. etc. Oh, and of course when one cousin gave us the chosen middle name for her daughter, which just so happens to be the other cousins first choice of first names if she has a girl. This could be fight of the century!

9.) Madeline in her tights. (that should be at the top of the list)

10.) And most of all, when leaving the festivities, my sister made a comment along the lines of... "why live here when you could be dead." She has been stuck living in my parents house for a few months... as you can tell, it's going well.

All in all, it was a nice holiday. But, it just didn't feel the same. I am really big into tradition, ok, I am obsessively into tradition. This year I knew would be a challenge because it was our first holiday without Mamae (my grandmother). About halfway through the afternoon I realized... we didn't have any bugles and dip. Bugles and Dip are a staple of every single family get together. It was my grandmother's specialty. Even a year ago when she was still alive I vowed to bring the dip to family get togethers for all the years to come! Then, the very first holiday, we all forgot. We even had it as a family after her funeral! I was horrified when I realized we didn't have it. Then, to top off the day of fudging traditions, we forgot to have the traditional napkin fight, which Page has since coined as the "Mary E. Doherty Memorial Napkin Toss". We tried to rally and have it after dessert, but it was mere shadow of what it used to be. We were desperate and used clean napkins. Have you ever tried to ball up a clean napkin... it doesn't work. Sure, it was cleaner, but that is not the essence of the game anyway. We let Mamae down. She was usually the first person to toss a napkin (or to be honest, it would be me throwing one at her because she thought it was the funniest thing in the world). I used to jokingly (half-joking) threaten her that if she didn't bring the bugles and dip to a party, then she couldn't come and that we would drive her back home. And yet, we all forgot. We didn't forget her though. She was definitely in all of our thoughts, as was evident during our "grateful" moments... when I got to be reminded twice that I am the only grand daughter that did not get to tell my grandmother that she would be a great-grandmother again. Part of me wanted to chuck my roll at my cousin in a burst of jealousy as I watched her cry and say how grateful she was that she got to tell my grandmother she was pregnant and how much that meant. I know, its no reason to have a child, but I won't lie, I would have loved to be able to tell her something like that. Oh, that was another thing, my aunt's kitchen is being remodeled so she could not make her standard pumpkin bread. Another staple of thanksgiving... completely dismissed. Replaced with store bought bread. It was a sad, sad day. Thank god all of this didn't happen the same year my mother transformed my childhood bedroom into "her office". That year was a wine-soaked fiasco.

This rambling has gone on long enough. I am off to work on one of my six crafting type projects that I have under way. Tomorrow is the start of basketball season... Watch out for that freshman team, we are going to come and take the middlesex team by storm! I have my brand new whistle ready to go... my try-out agendas... and a ball of anxiety in my stomach as large as a basketball itself! Why am I so nervous for this!> You'd think I was the one trying out... maybe it will be like tryouts when I was a freshman and I got so nervous that I puked. Awesome.

oh no

my "most helpful" ranking just dropped even lower! that's depressing!

If you are fortunate enough to have tomorrow off... Enjoy!

really, lauren>>> Time for a backbone.

i really wish my question mark key worked... I needed to put some question marks after that post title.

So, right now I am sitting on my couch pondering the pathetic delicacy of my ego. I think the fact that I have been eating halloween candy none stop for the past three weeks and am now beginning to see the tangible results, meaning tightened jeans and bloated stomach feeling, is definitely not helping. The big glass of wine beside me is helping though...

One of the most embarrassing examples of the unreasonable level of sensitivity I have would stem from facebook. Ok, yes, I am on facebook. I still have trouble understanding how to use it. I feel like i am missing something. In fact, I am pretty sure there are basic components of it that I have not caught on to yet, but that is besides the point. There is an application where your friends can vote on your strengths and weaknesses. It is a stupid little poll and they have to choose between you and another person for a particular question, for example- most fun to hang out with. Then you'd have a picture of two of your friends, randomly picked, and you chose from that. In other words it is stupid. So, then why do I see my rankings and feel bad about myself> Some of them come as no surprise... I am pretty much last in "most adventurous" and "most out- going", i know, shocking. Most likely to be seen in fleece would be another story. But, I have to admit that I when I see I don't get picked as "hardest worker" or things like about being reliable or trustworthy, I feel bad. Maybe its because I then have to face the truth that at this point in my life, I am lazy. Truly lazy. I wasn't always lazy though! The fact that I even give these stupid rankings a second thought is pathetic. I was disappointed because I've never gotten chosen as "more fun to work with". Hey, I can make fun of the librarian like no one else!

I'm a little embarrassed that I just admitted to how personally I take those facebook polls. I hope I don't get sympathy votes now. haha.

My other example for today is coming from the confrontation I just had with my land lord. My sister just bought a house near by and has been having a lot of construction done, so in the mean time she has been watching her 2 friends children out of my apartment. I did tell my land lord in the beginning, but didn't give weekly updates. Their construction in their house has taken a lot longer than they had anticipated, lucky them getting to live in my sister's childhood room (all three of them in one tiny room) and be entertained my manhattan drinking father. So, today my landlord was here raking some leaves... My sister had the babies, there are 3 total including her own and she has another one of her friends helping her out. One baby in not of walking age and the other one literally sleeps ALL day (its unreal!). Not to mention my sister is so hard core "safety first" i sometimes wonder why she doesnt just wrap all the babies in bubble wrap! So, the other little ones left early and my sister ran out to vote, leaving my niece here with me to play for a bit. All was fine and good... I got some great snuggles today, a few kisses, some "dress up" play, and of course dance moves to Madonna.

My sister leaves and I hear a knock on my door. It's the land lord. Immediately starts in on my that I cannot have illegal day care out of his house, etc etc. I wasn't prepared for this at all. He was pissed! I won't go into the details, but upon his leaving I was proud of myself because... I didn't get upset and start crying. I have this horrible habit of crying whenever I get upset about things, especially when I've been "yelled at". Pretty much if someone says no to me or anything along those lines, I cry. Its SO AGGRAVATING! I am a grown woman, I don't mean to or want to cry, but my eyes just well up. When I get mad, frustrated, stressed, anything really, I cry. But, I didn't tonight. I was rational and listened to him and also told him things that I thought were important and that I think he might have had a misconception of how many children were here, etc. I'm not sure if he was thinking of how small this apartment is! how many kids could there possibly be! So, i held it together... I didn't waver, didn't get the tell-tale tremble of the voice...

Until he left and I texted my sister to tell her. She called me and then, the tears were unleashed. So stupid! It was over. It wasn't a big deal. Tim came home to me on the phone (trying to disguise the fact i was crying) with tissues balled up in my hands. "I don't like getting in trouble... I don't like getting yelled at... I don't like it when people think i did something wrong..." Those were some of the things I was mumbling to him as I tried to explain why on Earth I was crying over what happened. It was his tone... and the way he was looking at me. No, see there I go again!

I'm an emotional person, which to some of you may be a surprise, but to others is probably understatement of the year. But, it gets really frustrating. I think I interpret those types of situations as failure. As letting someone or something down. I can say, "screw it", but emotionally, I guess there is a bigger part of me that holds on to all of that stuff and then snowballs it all together.

On the positive side... my feet are nice and snug. I bit the bullet, along with my partner in crime, and indulged in a pair of Uggs. Now, I know a lot of people think they are ugly. Personally, I am on the fence with that one. Sometimes I think they look silly- mainly the rolled down look or the Uggs with skirts, etc etc. But, ohhh the comfort level. They could be the most hideous things on earth and I would wear them because they are like little slices of furry heaven. I want to sleep in them!